Starting the grieving process is usually in some way associated to the stages of grief. Some say that is the road map to your healing process. Each stage seems to make sense as you get through them and your reflect on what you just went through. Everyone will move at their own pace and you can not rush the process.
Let your loved one or yourself go. Emotions will be in charge and emotions do not have an IQ. Of course its easier said than done.
Below are The 7 stages of grief will give you some guide and a moment to breathe knowing what the process is in order to naturally progress from one stage to the next.
Here is a break down:
Shock Stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
You will be in disbelief and literal shock. May appear as if there is no reaction at all and might have to be told a few times. This may be followed by more external shock, where physical reactions may occur such as shortness of breath and possible paling of skin.
Denial stage: Avoiding the inevitable.
Not accepting what has happened and to whom once the initial shock has worn off. Pretending that it has not happened. They can potentially close their eyes and pretend nothing has happened. They will typically go on with their life and work as though all is well.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
After denial comes a sudden surge of anger, where the bottle up emotions are ex pulsed in a huge outpouring of grief. Blaming whoever is in the way. The phrase 'Why me?' may be repeated in an endlessly in their heads. A part of this anger is 'Why not you?', which feeds their anger at the those who are not affected.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Once the anger subsides, the bargaining stage begins. Seeking ways to avoid having this whole thing happen. Bargaining is a expression of hope that you can reverse the bad news.
Are you or a loved one heart broken? Coping with Grief is a wonderful book that I found very helpful.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
After denial, anger and bargaining, the inevitability of the news eventually (and not before you are ready) becomes a reality. From the animation of anger and bargaining, they fall into a deep dark whole with no light at the end of the tunnel. In this deep depression, they see only horrible things with no ending. In turning in towards themselves, they turn away from any solution and any help that others can give them.
Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
Even in the darkest hours of depression, reality starts to take over and the person realizes that they stay in that deep state forever. These may be taken on as 'experiments' to see if doing these things help the situation in any way. As this activity starts to work, at least in some ways, it is found to be preferred to the depression and so the person crawls out of that dark hole.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.
Embracing stability is the final stage, where the person is ready and actively involved in moving on to the next phase of their lives, no matter how short. The terminally ill person will be putting their life in order, sorting out wills and helping others to accept the inevitability that then now have countenanced and faced.
The Stages of Grief do come in handy, Just remember to be easy on yourself. Take deep breaths and take it one minute at a time. Search the entire web below for more condolence words