My Best Friend

by Linda
(Windsor, Ontario)

I recently lost my mother who was 59 years old 3 months ago, I am 29 years old. I lost my best friend, and I'm finding it more and more difficult as the days pass to live without my mother. My mother was the glue that joined our family, and now since she has passed our family has fell apart. I have an 11 year old daughter whom my mother helped me raise, and a 6 month old son. I am very blessed that my mother was able to be a part of my daughter's life for 11 years, and that she was able to see my son before she passed. I feel very alone without her, but I still manage to stay strong for my children. Some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks....my mom is gone, my best friend is gone! And I just bawl. I find it very difficult to go to her grave, and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe just thinking about her death. I have had to change my daily routine, which I have found to be the hardest part. My days used to consist of taking care of her, and having her around at all times. My father and sister live together, just as they did when my mother was alive, but I no longer have any close ties with my sister. I still see my father every so often, but I feel we are drifting apart as well. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children, who I have to live my life for now, they mean the world to me. I felt like a part of myself had died along with my mother, but as time goes on I hope I can regain the strength to accept fate, and remember the good memories of what a beautiful person my mother was. She has touched the lives of so many people, my mother was an angel in my eyes. I hope to someday see her beautiful face once again, but for now I will try to live my life and continue to enjoy my own family, since I realize now that I do not want to die...before I die.