Last Day with Mom

by Rudy
(NJ)

I lost my mother almost two years ago. Since then I have completely become a different person.

On the day my mother died she called me to go and pick her up with my cousin. So me and my cousin went and picked her up. The image of her leaning on a blue mailbox with the wind blowing has never left my mind. It's an image that I keep with me forever. Her hair blowing, face concentrating on finding us and I barely recognized her, my cousin pointed her out. As soon as she got in the car I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital because I knew she was feeling well but she said no.

She hated hospitals and doctors,she had just been there the week before and just left. My cousin dropped me and my mom off. I spent the whole morning talking with her. I had an honest conversation trying to see my point of view on a problem between, trying to make her understand that she could always call me if she needed me but I could not live with her and her boyfriend. that it would destroy me staying in that environment but that if she ever needed me i would be there.

That i am not my sister and I am a different person but that i love her. i was preparing my stuff to move out of her house. then i had to leave because i had to work. i said good byre that i loved her and she can call me anytime she needed me. the whole day i had a weird feeling and i called everybody. i kept seeing her as i did that morning with the wind blowing in her hair and everywhere. i don't know why i kept seeing her.i called everyone i knew o make sure they were OK. i called her twice but assumed she was sleeping because she often slept during the day. later that night my sister calls me and says that ma's boyfriend has been calling saying she's dead and to make he wasn't lying so i went over to her house and there were cops everywhere. i knew she was dead but i had to see. i went up to her apartment and there she was dead. her face was blue and she looked like she was sleeping. i shook just to make sure she wasn't sleeping but she was dead. my cousin was there and she held me as i cried. my aunt and her family came over for support. i had to call my sister and tell her our mother was dead. she screamed no and started crying on the phone. ever since that day i cant sit still. i feel like i am wasting my time if i am not constantly dding something. i cant watch tv or even care about any shows. i try to connect with people now instead of being alone, and i try things that used to scare me.i constantly look for things that will distract me from how i feel but nothing i do can ever distract me from the fact that in a few weeks my mom will be dead for two years.