Jan Morris, my Momma, I never knew my heart could miss like this

by Louann Mckethan
(Krum Texas, U.S.)

Sweet Angel Janice

Sweet Angel Janice

I have to start by saying, my Mom was so brave :-) the day after mothers day this year, my mom was told she had brain cancer.

I was shocked, scared, angry & sad all at the same time. She, Jan, was always so full of life, the life of the party. I could not imagine her having to go through chemo & radiation. I was so scared for her, so scared I couldn't breathe at times. I don't know why but I really never thought of her having to die, I just really assumed she would get to grow old & we would have her for a very long time. My mom lived over 2 hrs away from us (my sister Lori, brother William & myself Louann) so we didn't see her as much as we should or could have. When we found out she was sick she got to come stay here with my sister so we spent the last 3 months of her life spoiling her every chance we had. The doctor said he removed all of the tumor with surgery so that gave us hope that she could beat this for a short while, a couple of years maybe... And I held on to God reaching down and touching her to deliver a miracle.

My heart is shattered into tiny pieces. This is not normal to be without your Mom, she was supposed to be here with us. My Mom had such a huge heart that so MANY people called her mom, or grandma that was not even blood related, that was just how she was, full of love, lots of laughter, always smiling, ALWAYS the center of attention in the room :-) I'm trying to figure out how to even think about the holidays without her because she absolutely loved the holidays. I just want to always remember the beautiful smile she had, her laughter, I'm so afraid I will forget that sound.

I don't think I ever told her that she was the perfect mom for me, I think she knew that, I pray she knows that, but wished I would have said it, so I'm saying it now. For my Momma, I love you so very much, I'm so proud to say you were my Mom, and so thankful to God for the last 3 months of her life. Even though I want her here, I'm so thankful she did not suffer in ways that some cancer patients have to suffer. I miss her more than I knew it was possible to miss someone.

Janice Ann (Watkins) Morris, 4/9/49 - 8/14/10. We miss and love you so very much, your kids Lori Griffith, William Yager Jr, and Louann Mckethan, may God hold you close Momma until we meet again.

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Jan 24, 2011
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Dear anonymous:
by: Louann mckethan

I don't know if u will ever read this but I'm so glad u wrote. I'm so sorry u lost ur Mom & Dad:-( I know how hard it is to lose both parents. I lost my Dad in 99 & of course u know about Mom. I wish I could say the pain goes away but it has yet to go. It has gotten to where I could get out of bed though so progress does come just slowly. I graduate this Friday from hair school & would give anything for my Mom to be by my side. All I can say is give urself the time u need & please talk to friends & family cuz they can help see u through the sad days. I will b prayin for u & will check in from time to time to see if u have written. I can listen if u need a ear. God Bless Louann Mckethan

Jan 23, 2011
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It does hurt
by: Anonymous

I enjoyed reading about your mom. I too have felt the horrible pain of losing my mom and my dad both of cancer. mom was 44 and dad was 64. She died 17 years ago and dad died july 2010. I am so angry and don't understand why both had to go so young. I know God has his own plan and it is the better one, but it hurts so much. I feel like a little girl longing for her parents. Especially dad right now because we became so close. He was all I had. He is gone and I miss him horribly. I think I am still in denial becauwe I can not look at his pictures yet or hardly talk about it. It makes it too real and I don't want to face it. I don't share my feelings with people cause i think they will think that it was just my dad and I should accept it. I do not want to accept this. I did my mom but just can't accept his passing right now. Don't know why I got on here. Quess I needed to vent alittle.
So sorry you have lost your mom and just wanted you to know there are people who know the hurt you feel. God Bless.

Nov 01, 2010
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JAN'S SMILING FACE AND LAUGHTER
by: Anonymous

I loved your mom too and have been missing her so much. I wish I could see her and talk to her again. I will some day. That's the peace in all of this. Knowing Jesus as my personal savior and knowing that she did too, gaurantees we'll see each other again.

You will never forget her laugh or the sound of her voice. I never did, even though we were seperated for many years. So odd that you mentioned her laugh. I was thinking about her laugh for the last couple of days!
Love to you, and healing too.
Lynne

Nov 01, 2010
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Missing our loved ones
by: Crouchmans

LuAnn and Family,

May the peace which comes from the memories of love shared, comfort you now and in the days ahead.
God will help you during the Hoildays.
We are thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers


Nov 01, 2010
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Prayers for you and your family
by: Michelle Johnson

LouAnne, I'm so glad you have had the opportunity to share your mother's story! I will pray for you and your family every day! Love you!

Nov 01, 2010
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To my sister-in-law with love!!!!
by: Rachel

That was beautifully said Lou and I really hope and pray that it did your heart good to share your thoughts about your mom. I can't imagine my life without my mom, which happens to be your "other mom" :) so my heart goes out to you. Just know that you have us, your family, to see you through this hard time. If you ever need to talk you know I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be praying for you, for God to give you strength and peace! I hope that this holiday season you will be able to remember the good times y'all had and be able to enjoy the holidays just as much as she did! There's nothing on this earth more precious than the mother/daughter relationship and so I'm confident that you will NEVER forget her laugh, her smile and the fun she brought to every room she walked into and the smiles she brought to so many faces! Love always, Rachel

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